Friday, November 28, 2014

Free to choose

At some point most people have felt hurt because of someone else's choices or situations, even if they do not mean to. I have had friends who were spiritually hurting, they were being destructive and wouldn't stop because they did not see what they were doing that was wrong. They knew they were in pain, but they didn't know what from. When they would talk about it and ask what I think they should do, I would tell them and sometimes they wouldn't take what I said to heart. This hurt me too. I felt responsible for their hurt and pain because I must not have tried hard enough, if I had tried harder, if I had hung around them more, if I had given more advice, if I loved them more they would be happier, they wouldn't be in so much pain. 

I came to realize that None of this was my fault, none of their pain was caused by me. I did nothing wrong. I helped when asked, and loved them as I could. But when you feel like you have done all you can do, do not feel guilty if they do something stupid. They are not you and you cannot control them. It's all up to them whether or not this is their path. Feel comforted that you have done all you can do.

You have to let it go. It is destructive and corrodes on your wellbeing, your well deserved happiness. You did nothing wrong, that person did. You have no responsibility for any saving of any soul but your own. You can invite, you can be kind, you can set the example, but you cannot take on their burden and you cannot blame yourself. You are your own person. God created you for your own problems and for helping others, not for them to drag you down. They may not mean to but sometimes people end up doing it anyway. Don't let it happen. 

When God created our spirits, he held a council full of everyone, everyone we know and love was there. Satan then stood up and said that he had a plan, that everyone will be forced to choose the right, no sorrow but also no happiness. Jesus then stood and said that he has a different plan: man will have the ability to choose from right and wrong. "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." (2 Nephi 2:27) There will be sorrows and there will be trials, life will be hard, but we will be able to have happiness and joy through choosing the right. Everyone on earth, everyone who has ever had a body chose Jesus' plan. There was a third of those precious spirits though who chose Satan's plan, they cannot ever have bodies. We fought for the right to choose, and so we must respect those who still choose wrong. It is their own destruction they ensure, not ours. If we do all we can, then we shall be blessed. 

Christ suffered for our sins, transgressions, heartaches, sicknesses, everything that hurts, but you did not. He died to to open the gates of heaven, that we may have the choice of going to heaven, that we may become pure like him. It is our own choices that determine that, not anyone else's. When we do something wrong, it is our own fault, not anyone else's. When someone does something wrong, it is their own burden that they choose to carry. 

This is not a burden you have to carry. These are not your sins! You have your own sins to worry about, repent for your own. Do not let others fool you, "this may be a look into the suffering of our Savior". He does not want others to suffer as He did! Not now, not ever. 

You are not alone, you are never alone. You have friends to buoy you up, but they are not there to be your weights. Bring your friends up, and help them but do not let their choices tarnish your happiness. 

I bear my testimony that I know thy God loves you and me, and he sent his Son as proof. He will comfort us as much as we ask. He will help us get up, but is our responsibility to reach up and take his outstretched hand. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

In my own way

Monday when I went running, I noticed that I didn't do too much better than I normally was doing. I realized this as I was running. I also noticed as I was running I was thinking, "Come on, just a little farther. This hurts, when is my timer done? Can I just start walking now?" Then I mentally froze. I was brought back to when my mom was talking about self talk, about how important it was to build yourself up, especially while working out. I determined I was going to do better. I started thinking, "Woo! I'm doing awesome! This feels amazing! I CAN do this!" And it worked. I was able to somehow speed up and go faster. I felt better while doing it. I reached the three mile mark and felt pretty good. 

On Wednesday I was looking forward to running all day. I started my warm up with a spring in my step. I couldn't wait to start running! As soon as the timer said to start running, I just flew. It was hard (the first mile is always hard) but as I pushed past that first mile, I started to fly. I don't run, I fly. I kept running and running. The timer went off to start walking, and I was genuinely sad. I wanted to keep going. The three minutes were up and I started to run again. That bad self talk started to creep in again. I started to slow, then I was done with negativity. I was done with being negative all the time. I was done with this cloud of depression and unhappiness I was in. So I pushed. I ran like I never ran before. I was going faster than I had ever gone, and I wasn't tiring. I was flying again. My times were 13 minutes for my first mile, 10:30 for my second mile, 8:52 for my third mile, and a roughly 16 minute cool down. I have never had such an amazing time. The time intervals were roughly 8 minutes walking, 10 minutes running, 3 minutes walking, 10 minutes running, and a 12 minute cool down.

We have to believe in ourselves and have faith. I was standing in my own way of going faster. We are the ones who determine where we go and how well we do in this life and the next. We are the ones who determine how much or how little we feel the Spirit. It is all up to us. I testify that if we determine to make the right choices, we strive to do better every day, and believe in ourselves and God's plan for us, we will do and achieve all He has planned for us. I close in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Monday, November 17, 2014

Prayers and Running

I love my body. I just got back from a run where it was hard but absolutely glorious at the same time. I started this school year with no running since May, so I had to start my training all over again. I surprisingly found it hard to get back into it. I thought I could just springboard into running and it'll be ok. I was wrong. I was running in worn out shoes, I hadn't run in months, and I hadn't had very good running habits in the spring. 

After a few weeks everything started to smooth out. I was running on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was doing yard work on Saturdays and I did some yoga on Thursdays. I had a good routine going. Then it started to get cold. I don't like the cold, at all, under any circumstances. I slacked off a little when it came to running. I would wait to go running till Tuesday, which set me up for failure because I knew I wouldn't go running on Saturday. I slacked off because it got hard. 

This can very much correlate to my scripture study. I read cover to cover for seminary, and I did again for the Doctrine and Covenants and Book of Mormon this summer. Almost immediately when I came I was out of my rhythm, I fell short in my daily scripture study and prayer. 

This week will be different. I plan on tomorrow jumping rope, running again on Wednesday, yoga on Thursday, running on Friday, and then doing an upper body workout on Saturday. I have now also been praying and listening to my scriptures in the car every school day, and at odd times (whenever I can get it in) on the weekends.

I am so grateful for my strong powerful legs. They are beautiful and I love how when I run I feel like I'm flying. They are a gift from God, and He wants me to run and be the best I can be.

I am so grateful for prayer. It is a glorious blessing to be able to communicate with my God every day, no matter the hour or circumstance. His scriptures are His word, and I love them (thank you Sister Cogdell and Sister Wright :) ). Our souls are our bodies and spirits, and when we take care of both we are stronger and able to serve better and more fully. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 



Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Calling


I am the Primary Activity Days Assistant Leader. (Phew, that's a mouthful!). I just love my calling. I was home from Utah for only two weeks when I was called into the bishop's office. I knew that my dad (Ward Sunday School President) was in need of a gospel doctrine teacher because the current one is moving soon. I knew he put my name in, but I guess that the primary president got to me first. I went into the bishop's office and he asked if I would be an Activity Days leader.

I was shocked. I fully expected to be given a calling I wasn't prepared for in the least, now I was totally unprepared to wrap my mind around the calling he had in mind for me. But as I sat in that chair in his office, I warmed to idea, literally. I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Ghost saying that this was supposed to happen. I accepted the calling and I was sustained and set apart the following Sunday.

My first activity came around and I was terrified. I didn't know how many girls would come or even if I would get my message across. It was on service and we were going to be braiding each others hair. First I opened with a song and prayer, then I started talking about service and how important it is. I talked about when my dad was deployed and the youth from youth conference that year came and cleaned our house. I talked about how much it meant to my mom when the youth came, she just cried. She was so grateful for the wonderful Christlike service that the youth and their leaders gave was beautiful.

That lesson and handling those girls was probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. But after four activities, I have begun to get a hang of this and see why I have this calling. It has become easier to plan these activities, and easier to understand these girls.

After our most recent activity, I realized that these girls understand so much more of the gospel than they realize. I am sure I didn't know as much as them at their age. They are so smart and they are such blessings in my life. In patriarchal blessing, it talks a lot about how I will be leading the youth of the church, I never imagined leading these bright young ladies. I am so grateful for modern revelation and callings. Callings have two parts to the blessings: for the person who is called, and for those serving under them. I know of a surety that people receive callings for very specific reasons, even if we ourselves don't understand, God does. I leave these things with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen. 
 
P.S. I also learned that these girls are rubbish with my phone's camera.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Who we come from, not where


"May 1st, 1885. Having entered into the month of May this morning, I fervently thank God that He has led me, these thirteen years past, with a strong hand. Let me relate how he has led me. 

"Nineteen years ago I first knelt down before God; I then thanked Him, from my very heart, for bringing my wife safely through the great pains of child-bearing. That was the first time in my life that I knelt down to pray in earnest. It was at Newbiggin-by-the-Sea. I and my family had been attending the Presbyterian Church at Newbiggin, under the ministry of Rev. Dr. Robinson; through him the great God spoke, and the light dawned on my soul. For some years after that I attended places of worship in Blyth, after leaving Newbiggin in 1867. The 'little drop of the creature' was my stumblingblock. 

"I was persuaded by a gentleman of Blyth to join the God Templars; not only as a deal for myself, but that I might be a light to others. This was in 1872, thirteen years ago. Giving up all company and companions, I determined even to let business go, rather than sit in the scorner's chair for the sake of a livelihood. I flung my whole heart and soul, my wife and children, all I had, upon the Lord; and gave Him the reins to drive as He pleased. 

"A few days after joining the Good Templars I went to an evening meeting in the Wesleyan school-room, conducted by Rev. J. Reid, minister of the English Presbyterian Church in Blyth. His subject was "spiritual life." I came home and said to my wife, 'I am saved for ever; Mr. Reid has told me all things ever I did." From that day till now, I have never had a single doubt as to my salvation, that is, for thirteen years. 

"That the reader may judge for himself which is the best side of the question, I will now give a slight sketch of my life while without God, and and in the world. I was forty years with the window shutters on, and I have been thirteen years with them off, five years between as a half-and-half man." (The Lord's Dealings with William Horn, 1887) 

This is an excerpt from the intro to my great great great great great great grandfather William Horn's book. In this book it talks about his conversion to Christianity and his travels as a minister/missionary. I was overjoyed when I found this book. I love family history. I've really gotten into it ever since my rocking seminary teacher took the last two weeks of school to have us in the family history center. I began to collect all these names for the temple. Over the summer I was able to attend the Manti temple and do baptisms and confirmations for the female names I had at the time. I loved it.  It was such an amazing spiritual experience, and every time I even talk about it I feel the Spirit. I love these people and I've grown closer to them over time.

I was just looking at my family tree a while ago and I noticed that the man who raised my great great great grandfather wasn't his biological father, it was his stepdad. Something happened in 1848, I don't know if it was consensual or not, but Jane Duncan had her boss's baby. They were not married and Robert Lumgair (great great great great grandfather) was not interested in marriage. About five years down the line Jane married a man named James Robertson. My great great great grandfather was named William Robertson Lumgair, his biological father's last name and his step father's last name. James Robertson raised another man's child, adopted the little boy, and later on James and Jane had many more children. James was loving enough and enough of a man to love this woman and her illegitimate child, who he then made legitimate by adopting him. What love, what charity!

This Christlike act was so unheard of at the time. Women were shunned if they committed adultery, especially if a child came about because of it. James Robertson must have seen past that when he married Jane.

I bear my testimony to you that the temple can bring families closer through the sealing power. It is a glorious and sacred blessing to be able to know who you come from, not just where. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen. 

This Christlike act was so unheard of at the time. Women were shunned if they committed adultery, especially if a child came about because of it. James Robertson must have seen past that when he married Jane.

I bear my testimony to you that the temple can bring families closer through the sealing power. It is a glorious and sacred blessing to be able to know who you come from, not just where. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

"May 1st, 1885. Having entered into the month of May this morning, I fervently thank God that He has led me, these thirteen years past, with a strong hand. Let me relate how he has led me.

"Nineteen years ago I first knelt down before God; I then thanked Him, from my very heart, for bringing my wife safely through the great pains of child-bearing. That was the first time in my life that I knelt down to pray in earnest. It was at Newbiggin-by-the-Sea. I and my family had been attending the Presbyterian Church at Newbiggin, under the ministry of Rev. Dr. Robinson; through him the great God spoke, and the light dawned on my soul. For some years after that I attended places of worship in Blyth, after leaving Newbiggin in 1867. The 'little drop of the creature' was my stumblingblock.

"I was persuaded by a gentleman of Blyth to join the God Templars; not only as a deal for myself, but that I might be a light to others. This was in 1872, thirteen years ago. Giving up all company and companions, I determined even to let business go, rather than sit in the scorner's chair for the sake of a livelihood. I flung my whole heart and soul, my wife and children, all I had, upon the Lord; and gave Him the reins to drive as He pleased.

"A few days after joining the Good Templars I went to an evening meeting in the Wesleyan school-room, conducted by Rev. J. Reid, minister of the English Presbyterian Church in Blyth. His subject was "spiritual life." I came home and said to my wife, 'I am saved for ever; Mr. Reid has told me all things ever I did." From that day till now, I have never had a single doubt as to my salvation, that is, for thirteen years.

"That the reader may judge for himself which is the best side of the question, I will now give a slight sketch of my life while without God, and and in the world. I was forty years with the window shutters on, and I have been thirteen years with them off, five years between as a half-and-half man." (The Lord's Dealings with William Horn, 1887)

This is an excerpt from the intro to my great great great great great great grandfather William Horn's book. In this book it talks about his conversion to Christianity and his travels as a minister/missionary. I was overjoyed when I found this book. I love family history. I've really gotten into it ever since my rocking seminary teacher took the last two weeks of school to have us in the family history center. I began to collect all these names for the temple. Over the summer I was able to attend the Manti temple and do baptisms and confirmations for the female names I had at the time. I loved it.  It was such an amazing spiritual experience, and every time I even talk about it I feel the Spirit. I love these people and I've grown closer to them over time.

I was just looking at my family tree a while ago and I noticed that the man who raised my great great great grandfather wasn't his biological father, it was his stepdad. Something happened in 1848, I don't know if it was consensual or not, but Jane Duncan had her boss's baby. They were not married and Robert Lumgair (great great great great grandfather) was not interested in marriage. About five years down the line Jane married a man named James Robertson. My great great great grandfather was named William Robertson Lumgair, his biological father's last name and his step father's last name. James Robertson raised another man's child, adopted the little boy, and later on James and Jane had many more children. James was loving enough and enough of a man to love this woman and her illegitimate child, who he then made legitimate by adopting him. What love, what charity!

This Christlike act was so unheard of at the time. Women were shunned if they committed adultery, especially if a child came about because of it. James Robertson must have seen past that when he married Jane.

I bear my testimony to you that the temple can bring families closer through the sealing power. It is a glorious and sacred blessing to be able to know who you come from, not just where. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.

 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The Big Three

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Over the next few days I will be posting and Article of Faith (a key point of our gospel) and then breaking it down to what it means. 

We believe in God the Eternal Father, and in His son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. 
This basically means that we believe the Godhead are three separate beings: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Heavenly Father created us. Jesus Christ lived a perfect life so that he can suffer for our sins, die, and then live again that we may live again also. The Holy Ghost is the messenger from our Heavenly Father. He warns, prompts, inspires, and comforts us. The Holy Ghost tell us what we need to know in response to our asking. In the scriptures, you'll oftentimes see Jesus saying, "the Father is in me and we are one", but this just means that they are one in purpose. What is that purpose? To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1:39). 

I know and love my Heavenly Father, who lives and love me too more than I can possibly imagine. I am grateful for my Savior and his sacrifice. I have felt the promptings of the Holy Ghost and I know they are from God. I leave these things with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. 

Monday, September 8, 2014

I am the gardener, and you are the bush

I was gardening a few Saturdays ago and there was a bush and an out of control vine that were causing me trouble. The vine is a pretty one. The flowers are absolutely stunning, but it climbs, grabs, and takes over anything in that garden. That vine is strong and the roots are deep, the new shoots come up all over the front yard and the garden, and climbs, grabs, and takes over anything in reach. The bush is a butterfly bush that is absolutely lovely if is healthy and flowering. The butterfly bush does what its name suggests when it has enough blooms. Butterflies are drawn to this kind of bush and its blooms are a pretty purple.

The butterfly bush would have been a lovely big "bushy" bush if it had not been taken over by the vine. After I wound the vine up, on the banister on the porch, I went to work on the bush. As I pulled the vines off of the butterfly bush I noticed that many of the branches that I thought were strong and healthy, were actually barren, brown, and dead except for maybe one flower. The trunk of the bush was only about an inch long, which then split off into two branches. Those two branches should have been reaching up and should have been much stronger than they were. I took some yarn and tied the two branches closer with plans of tying it tighter each week to bring the branches closer and stronger. The bush was still leaning almost flat against the ground. I took a bamboo stick and used it to prop up the bush so that it may grow straight.

This experience strangely reminded me of a story I have often heard in church in regards to another bush. Hugh B. Brown's The Currant Bush:

"... I was living up in Canada. I had purchased a farm. It was run-down. I went out one morning and saw a currant bush. It had grown up over six feet high. It was going all to wood. There were no blossoms and no currants. I was raised on a fruit farm in Salt Lake before we went to Canada, and I knew what ought to happen to that currant bush. So I got some pruning shears and went after it, and I cut it down, and pruned it, and clipped it back until there was nothing left but a little clump of stumps. It was just coming daylight, and I thought I saw on top of each of these little stumps what appeared to be a tear, and I thought the currant bush was crying. I was kind of simpleminded (and I haven’t entirely gotten over it), and I looked at it, and smiled, and said, “What are you crying about?” You know, I thought I heard that currant bush talk. And I thought I heard it say this: “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn’t make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.” That’s what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and some day, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down, for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.’”

"Time passed. Years passed, and I found myself in England. I was in command of a cavalry unit in the Canadian Army. I had made rather rapid progress as far as promotions are concerned, and I held the rank of field officer in the British Canadian Army. And I was proud of my position. And there was an opportunity for me to become a general. I had taken all the examinations. I had the seniority. There was just one man between me and that which for ten years I had hoped to get, the office of general in the British Army. I swelled up with pride. And this one man became a casualty, and I received a telegram from London. It said: “Be in my office tomorrow morning at 10:00,” signed by General Turner in charge of all Canadian forces. I called in my valet, my personal servant. I told him to polish my buttons, to brush my hat and my boots, and to make me look like a general because that is what I was going to be. He did the best he could with what he had to work on, and I went up to London. I walked smartly into the office of the General, and I saluted him smartly, and he gave me the same kind of a salute a senior officer usually gives—a sort of “Get out of the way, worm!” He said, “Sit down, Brown.” Then he said, “I’m sorry I cannot make the appointment. You are entitled to it. You have passed all the examinations. You have the seniority. You’ve been a good officer, but I can’t make the appointment. You are to return to Canada and become a training officer and a transport officer. Someone else will be made a general.” That for which I had been hoping and praying for ten years suddenly slipped out of my fingers.

"Then he went into the other room to answer the telephone, and I took a soldier’s privilege of looking on his desk. I saw my personal history sheet. Right across the bottom of it in bold, block-type letters was written, “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.” We were not very well liked in those days. When I saw that, I knew why I had not been appointed. I already held the highest rank of any Mormon in the British Army. He came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.” I saluted him again, but not quite as smartly. I saluted out of duty and went out. I got on the train and started back to my town, 120 miles away, with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. And every click of the wheels on the rails seemed to say, “You are a failure. You will be called a coward when you get home. You raised all those Mormon boys to join the army, then you sneak off home.” I knew what I was going to get, and when I got to my tent, I was so bitter that I threw my cap and my saddle brown belt on the cot. I clinched my fists and I shook them at heaven. I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?” I was as bitter as gall.

"And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.” The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness and my bitterness. While kneeling there I heard a song being sung in an adjoining tent. A number of Mormon boys met regularly every Tuesday night. I usually met with them. We would sit on the floor and have a Mutual Improvement Association. As I was kneeling there, praying for forgiveness, I heard their voices singing:

“It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea;
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me;
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.”
(Hymns, no. 75.)

"I arose from my knees a humble man. And now, almost fifty years later, I look up to him and say, “Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.” I see now that it was wise that I should not become a general at that time, because if I had I would have been senior officer of all western Canada, with a lifelong, handsome salary, a place to live, and a pension when I’m no good any longer, but I would have raised my six daughters and two sons in army barracks. They would no doubt have married out of the Church, and I think I would not have amounted to anything. I haven’t amounted to very much as it is, but I have done better than I would have done if the Lord had let me go the way I wanted to go.

"I wanted to tell you that oft-repeated story because there are many of you who are going to have some very difficult experiences: disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement, defeat. You are going to be tested and tried to prove what you are made of. I just want you to know that if you don’t get what you think you ought to get, remember, “God is the gardener here. He knows what he wants you to be.” Submit yourselves to his will. Be worthy of his blessings, and you will get his blessings."(January 1973, Hugh B. Brown.)


Oftentimes we may think we are happy. The gardener has plans you, so there'll come a time when he'll take off those vines, tie you up, and prop you up. He has plans for each and every one of us, and though we go through trials they are for a purpose. We may not know them now, but I promise that if we listen to The Lord and give in to His will, we will be built up and built up in the way we are meant to. I bear my testimony on God's plan for us and that He knows what is best for us, even when it sometimes hurts us. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.