Learning His Ways

I learned this week what happens when we are in the right place, the around the right people, doing the right things, but rushing the Lord 's timetable... I made a decision this week that really didn't need to be made for another few weeks. What I did wasn't wrong, it just was done at the wrong time. I was lucky enough to be going to the temple a couple hours later. I went and did some sealings and sat in the Celestial room for a time and felt horrible about what I'd done. However, I didn't feel guilty, I felt hurt.

I was praying to the Lord and asking why this happened, why I did this thing, why this always happens, etc. lots of self-pity. Then I felt a nudge to open a Book of Mormon to a "random page". I opened to Alma 34:38-41. it said, "That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you. Yea, and I also exhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them; But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." Basically the Lord called me to repentance and told me I was being impatient.

Afterwards, I apologized to the person I had hurt, and I hopefully have made up for my immaturity I displayed. I knew I needed to work on my impatience, but I see now that I really need to work on it.

Patience can be viewed as the Christlike attribute everyone appreciates the most when it is given, but can be the most difficult to develop (that and humility). It really is something that is difficult to achieve, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I know that as we pray for patience and strive to act on it, we will be blessed greatly. I leave these things with y'all, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

My Ways are Higher than Your Ways

This week I've learned a lot from the Lord about perspective. I've been reflecting a lot on what I've learned the past few months, and I've made a lot of progress. This week the Lord opened my eyes and showed me a glimpse of what he has in store for me, similar to many of the revelatory moments I had on my mission. I've learned a lot about when we listen to the Lord, we will be placed exactly where we need to be in order to experience the things that we need in order to progress in the gospel. But not only that, we will see the blessings within our patriarchal blessings unfold. It is so neat to see small and simple things, like dominos beginning to fall, move and happen. The Lord truly keeps his promises when we keep ours. I know this to be true. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Anxiety and Testimonies

I realized a few days ago I never wrote down what I learned from the plunge into anxiety I had starting really a year ago. A friend of mine asked how he could help a friend who was struggling with mental health stuff and was questioning his testimony and if it even made a difference seeing that our mental states can be altered by medications and therapies. Here are my thoughts:

The secret to knowing the gospel is true AND SEEING THE RESULTS is by trying it with real intent, not just asking. That's also the thing with mental illness, you can't expect to feel better by reading about medications and therapies, you must act and it takes some trial and error. (Side note, they've actually done studies and there's a certain part of the brain that is active during Christian prayer that isn't active in other methods of prayer). Much like my companion with diabetes, she kept up with her diabetes not only because she wanted to live, but because she knew that if she was healthy she could feel the Spirit more. 

I also know that the Lord has a special place in his heart and hand for those of us with mental illnesses. I know I felt a special protection in a way during the transfer that I struggled the most with my anxiety and depression. I talked to my mission president about going home. At that time i was studying the words of Christ in the New Testament and through studying the New Testament I gained a more sure witness of Christ and his character, but also of the Book of Mormon. I learned of Christ's love and plan in the Book of Mormon, and in the New Testament I learned of His character and the way He taught.

I know 100% that the Book of Mormon is true, not only because of the testimony I gained on my mission, but from my continued reading of it.

I also know that I am not happy and cannot feel joy when I am not on my meds. I am not me. The Lord provided medicines so that we can balance out many of the chemical problems our brains have. It's when we are "normal" we feel the Lord's guidance more because we aren't as much of a slave to the temptations of our own minds.

I know I did feel the Spirit several times when my anxiety took a plunge and I really struggled, but those times were of great intensity and weren't very often. I was so wrapped up in the anxiety that I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. The Lord never wants us to feel that way.

I testify to each of you that I know that God lives, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that as we lean on the Lord and follow his guidance, we will find joy. We will also lead others to joy. Find, teach, and baptize! In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.