Free to choose

At some point most people have felt hurt because of someone else's choices or situations, even if they do not mean to. I have had friends who were spiritually hurting, they were being destructive and wouldn't stop because they did not see what they were doing that was wrong. They knew they were in pain, but they didn't know what from. When they would talk about it and ask what I think they should do, I would tell them and sometimes they wouldn't take what I said to heart. This hurt me too. I felt responsible for their hurt and pain because I must not have tried hard enough, if I had tried harder, if I had hung around them more, if I had given more advice, if I loved them more they would be happier, they wouldn't be in so much pain. 

I came to realize that None of this was my fault, none of their pain was caused by me. I did nothing wrong. I helped when asked, and loved them as I could. But when you feel like you have done all you can do, do not feel guilty if they do something stupid. They are not you and you cannot control them. It's all up to them whether or not this is their path. Feel comforted that you have done all you can do.

You have to let it go. It is destructive and corrodes on your wellbeing, your well deserved happiness. You did nothing wrong, that person did. You have no responsibility for any saving of any soul but your own. You can invite, you can be kind, you can set the example, but you cannot take on their burden and you cannot blame yourself. You are your own person. God created you for your own problems and for helping others, not for them to drag you down. They may not mean to but sometimes people end up doing it anyway. Don't let it happen. 

When God created our spirits, he held a council full of everyone, everyone we know and love was there. Satan then stood up and said that he had a plan, that everyone will be forced to choose the right, no sorrow but also no happiness. Jesus then stood and said that he has a different plan: man will have the ability to choose from right and wrong. "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." (2 Nephi 2:27) There will be sorrows and there will be trials, life will be hard, but we will be able to have happiness and joy through choosing the right. Everyone on earth, everyone who has ever had a body chose Jesus' plan. There was a third of those precious spirits though who chose Satan's plan, they cannot ever have bodies. We fought for the right to choose, and so we must respect those who still choose wrong. It is their own destruction they ensure, not ours. If we do all we can, then we shall be blessed. 

Christ suffered for our sins, transgressions, heartaches, sicknesses, everything that hurts, but you did not. He died to to open the gates of heaven, that we may have the choice of going to heaven, that we may become pure like him. It is our own choices that determine that, not anyone else's. When we do something wrong, it is our own fault, not anyone else's. When someone does something wrong, it is their own burden that they choose to carry. 

This is not a burden you have to carry. These are not your sins! You have your own sins to worry about, repent for your own. Do not let others fool you, "this may be a look into the suffering of our Savior". He does not want others to suffer as He did! Not now, not ever. 

You are not alone, you are never alone. You have friends to buoy you up, but they are not there to be your weights. Bring your friends up, and help them but do not let their choices tarnish your happiness. 

I bear my testimony that I know thy God loves you and me, and he sent his Son as proof. He will comfort us as much as we ask. He will help us get up, but is our responsibility to reach up and take his outstretched hand. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. 

In my own way

Monday when I went running, I noticed that I didn't do too much better than I normally was doing. I realized this as I was running. I also noticed as I was running I was thinking, "Come on, just a little farther. This hurts, when is my timer done? Can I just start walking now?" Then I mentally froze. I was brought back to when my mom was talking about self talk, about how important it was to build yourself up, especially while working out. I determined I was going to do better. I started thinking, "Woo! I'm doing awesome! This feels amazing! I CAN do this!" And it worked. I was able to somehow speed up and go faster. I felt better while doing it. I reached the three mile mark and felt pretty good. 

On Wednesday I was looking forward to running all day. I started my warm up with a spring in my step. I couldn't wait to start running! As soon as the timer said to start running, I just flew. It was hard (the first mile is always hard) but as I pushed past that first mile, I started to fly. I don't run, I fly. I kept running and running. The timer went off to start walking, and I was genuinely sad. I wanted to keep going. The three minutes were up and I started to run again. That bad self talk started to creep in again. I started to slow, then I was done with negativity. I was done with being negative all the time. I was done with this cloud of depression and unhappiness I was in. So I pushed. I ran like I never ran before. I was going faster than I had ever gone, and I wasn't tiring. I was flying again. My times were 13 minutes for my first mile, 10:30 for my second mile, 8:52 for my third mile, and a roughly 16 minute cool down. I have never had such an amazing time. The time intervals were roughly 8 minutes walking, 10 minutes running, 3 minutes walking, 10 minutes running, and a 12 minute cool down.

We have to believe in ourselves and have faith. I was standing in my own way of going faster. We are the ones who determine where we go and how well we do in this life and the next. We are the ones who determine how much or how little we feel the Spirit. It is all up to us. I testify that if we determine to make the right choices, we strive to do better every day, and believe in ourselves and God's plan for us, we will do and achieve all He has planned for us. I close in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Prayers and Running

I love my body. I just got back from a run where it was hard but absolutely glorious at the same time. I started this school year with no running since May, so I had to start my training all over again. I surprisingly found it hard to get back into it. I thought I could just springboard into running and it'll be ok. I was wrong. I was running in worn out shoes, I hadn't run in months, and I hadn't had very good running habits in the spring. 

After a few weeks everything started to smooth out. I was running on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was doing yard work on Saturdays and I did some yoga on Thursdays. I had a good routine going. Then it started to get cold. I don't like the cold, at all, under any circumstances. I slacked off a little when it came to running. I would wait to go running till Tuesday, which set me up for failure because I knew I wouldn't go running on Saturday. I slacked off because it got hard. 

This can very much correlate to my scripture study. I read cover to cover for seminary, and I did again for the Doctrine and Covenants and Book of Mormon this summer. Almost immediately when I came I was out of my rhythm, I fell short in my daily scripture study and prayer. 

This week will be different. I plan on tomorrow jumping rope, running again on Wednesday, yoga on Thursday, running on Friday, and then doing an upper body workout on Saturday. I have now also been praying and listening to my scriptures in the car every school day, and at odd times (whenever I can get it in) on the weekends.

I am so grateful for my strong powerful legs. They are beautiful and I love how when I run I feel like I'm flying. They are a gift from God, and He wants me to run and be the best I can be.

I am so grateful for prayer. It is a glorious blessing to be able to communicate with my God every day, no matter the hour or circumstance. His scriptures are His word, and I love them (thank you Sister Cogdell and Sister Wright :) ). Our souls are our bodies and spirits, and when we take care of both we are stronger and able to serve better and more fully. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Calling

I am the Primary Activity Days Assistant Leader. (Phew, that's a mouthful!). I just love my calling. I was home from Utah for only two weeks when I was called into the bishop's office. I knew that my dad (Ward Sunday School President) was in need of a gospel doctrine teacher because the current one is moving soon. I knew he put my name in, but I guess that the primary president got to me first. I went into the bishop's office and he asked if I would be an Activity Days leader.

I was shocked. I fully expected to be given a calling I wasn't prepared for in the least, now I was totally unprepared to wrap my mind around the calling he had in mind for me. But as I sat in that chair in his office, I warmed to idea, literally. I literally felt the warmth of the Holy Ghost saying that this was supposed to happen. I accepted the calling and I was sustained and set apart the following Sunday.

My first activity came around and I was terrified. I didn't know how many girls would come or even if I would get my message across. It was on service and we were going to be braiding each others hair. First I opened with a song and prayer, then I started talking about service and how important it is. I talked about when my dad was deployed and the youth from youth conference that year came and cleaned our house. I talked about how much it meant to my mom when the youth came, she just cried. She was so grateful for the wonderful Christlike service that the youth and their leaders gave was beautiful.

That lesson and handling those girls was probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. But after four activities, I have begun to get a hang of this and see why I have this calling. It has become easier to plan these activities, and easier to understand these girls.

After our most recent activity, I realized that these girls understand so much more of the gospel than they realize. I am sure I didn't know as much as them at their age. They are so smart and they are such blessings in my life. In patriarchal blessing, it talks a lot about how I will be leading the youth of the church, I never imagined leading these bright young ladies. I am so grateful for modern revelation and callings. Callings have two parts to the blessings: for the person who is called, and for those serving under them. I know of a surety that people receive callings for very specific reasons, even if we ourselves don't understand, God does. I leave these things with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen. 
 
P.S. I also learned that these girls are rubbish with my phone's camera.