Scary Deadlines

Here are a few statements I would like to make about my mission: I am scared,scratch that, I am terrified, I will miss my boyfriend, I will miss my family, I will miss my friends, I do feel inadequate, I feel a little overwhelmed by how much has fallen into place and how much I still feel crazy nervous, BUT this is the right decision for me. I felt the call to serve when I was 16 and the missionary age change was announced. It grew and grew until it was questioned this last winter. I realized I didn't absolutely have to serve a mission, but it was up to me and I knew I would be blessed for it. Then it rekindled stronger than before. It grew as I began filling out my paperwork. It grew ever bigger as I submitted my papers. Finally my call to serve in the Washington Seattle Mission came. It was an amazing and terrifying experience. Since I've come home I've had so many things fall into place for during and after my mission. My life is definitely not how I envisioned it. It is beautiful though. I will be dedicating my life to the service of my God and his children for the next 18 months starting in four days. Only four days! 

I will compare this to a seed as in Alma 32:28-43. It started small, but as I nourished my testimony of my call to serve, it grew and grew. It was good. It felt good. I had a purpose. It became a beautiful tree. I will continue to nourish it so that the fruit of my laboratory will be sweet. I will be the best missionary I can be, despite seasonal affective disorder, despite social anxiety, despite any trial I may come across.

I testify to y'all that I know that I can do all things through Christ, who strengtheneth me. I share these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Growth is Essential

"And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life-- Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?" (Mosiah 18:8-10) 

Tonight we had the missionaries over for dinner, and this scripture was given in their lesson. I've been reading Preach My Gospel a lot lately in preparation of my mission (9 days!!).

This scripture is obviously written for baptism but I had a revelation while listening to the elders read it again. It is the qualities of someone who is ready or baptism, but are they not also qualities of those who are also ready for more progress in the gospel, such as serving a mission, going to the temple, getting married, and so on. The gospel of Christ is the gospel of progression: always growing and developing. Stagnation is inpossible, you are either progressing towards Christ, or moving backwards.

I bear my testimony to you that growth is essential to being close to God. As we grow, we become more an more like our Heavenly Father. That's the goal, isn't it?i leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Temple Dresses and Talents

At the beginning of the summer my aunt gave me her first temple dress, and it was near perfect. The length and the waist were absolutely perfect. The only problem was that the bust was a size too big. I thought this shouldn't be an issue because I could just take it in on the sides, right? The end of my stay in Utah came and I really began to look at this dress not long before I flew home. I began to understand that this dress would be a bit more of a project than I originally thought. I discovered I couldn't just take it in on the sides, I would have to take it in on every seam because it was a size bigger (funny right?). 

One day I decided to take it on. I took apart the top and took in the seam allowance by half an inch. I ironed, clipped, sewed, grunted with frustration, seam ripped, sewed again, and so on till I finally got it. I did it! I tailored my first dress! It is beautiful and I am grateful that I will have a temple dress for the next few years. 

I have a testimony that we have talents for specific reasons. My sewing talent saved me at least forty dollars that I don't have right now. My Heavenly Father has a plan for me and I am grateful that he loves me enough to share with me such a beautiful talent. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Breaking Destructive Cycles

Recently I have been able to be a cheerleader for someone who was struggling. This friend has been such a blessing in my life and I am thankful for them. Through my many strugglings over the last few months, he has been a wonderful support. On Thursday it was my turn to be his support. 

He had something huge due that he was really struggling with, and then suddenly it was the day before it was due. Panic set in. I also know that feeling all too well. He didn't have a direction with this assignment, or he did but it was vague. He kept spiraling back into, "I have so much to do and it is due tomorrow!" It is that panic that is crippling and doesn't get anything done. I was able to help him focus back onto his assignment and finishing. Every so often I'd send encouraging texts like, "You can do it!!"

This can be compared to our Savior and repentance. Sometimes we become overwhelmed by our trials and sins we feel trapped. Satan tells us that we can't escape. BUT WE CAN. Repentance is possible and very real. It isn't going to be like before. Our sins will not be wiped from our memory. BUT we can be made clean again. We can have our garments washed clean. We do not need to continue to walk around with our sins. We must wake up and stop our destructive cycles. We must begin to repent. I have. I have many many many times. And I am grateful every time.

I bear my testimony to you that repentance is real and possible. Through Christ's Atonement we are able to become clean. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Trusting God When Plans Change

To say this summer didn't go according to plan would be a major understatement. This was mostly fine, in fact it was wonderful. As everyone knows though, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A lot of what happened this summer I thought I could leave behind and just focus on mission prep, I was WRONG. Haha. It's not a bad thing, it just wasn't according to plan. I am very blessed because it didn't go according to plan. I began learning to "play by ear" with the Spirit. That was so cool. But it was on a day to day basis, I wasn't necessarily looking forward in time much. 

Fast forward in time: I am home and I have 33 days till I fly out to the MTC. Everything is great except I have to make some big decisions within the next couple of years, as in as soon as I get back from my mission. I have officially sent an email to SVU with questions regarding another deferment for my enrollment and scholarship to 2018 instead of 2017.

In the last month I've been trying to include something like "please let everything happen according to thy plan" or "thy will be done". It's so hard and sometimes scary! I tend to like my plans. They tend to look the best before things happen. But I know that God knows what he's doing a lot better than I do. We do have agency which allows us to choose our own path, but He knows what is best for us and so it's best to trust Him. 

I testify to you that God knows and loves each of us. He has a plan for us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's always worth it. I leave these things with ou in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.