Learning His Way

"And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou? And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw. And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken? And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father. And when I had spoken these words, the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." (1 Nephi 11:2-6) 

As I was listening to the scriptures last night I heard this part and it struck me, "Nephi didn't ask why he saw the dream, because he must have had an inkling of understanding already. He asked what it meant." With a current trial I'm going through I keep asking myself why I feel this way, why is it so difficult to get over , and why now? But really I should be asking for understanding, to understand what the Lord is trying to teach me right now, and what can I learn from this.

I'm excited to learn from the Lord what he wants to teach me because I know that I will be able to, at least eventually, see this from an eternal perspective. I know that the Lord speaks to us today, and I look forward to learning more about his ways this weekend from General Conference. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Reapeth in Joy

"Turn again our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:4-6) 

This relates very much to a previous study I has a few days ago, where it came to me again that the Lord will always provide a way out, he never only hounds us with trials, and they don't last forever. But it also reminds me of the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee." It's a beautiful song quoting verses from Isaiah and the Doctrine and Covenants. How even when the Lord allows us to experience trials, he doesn't leave us, and he will deliver us from trials eventually in his timing.

It actually reminds me a lot of one of the poems I recently wrote titled, "Never Left Alone." It says, 

"Despite how hard this week has been,

The depression,

The anger,

The confusion,

And the feeling of being utterly lost. 

Despite all these things,

I know that I will never be left by someone. 

Someone who will always stand beside me,

Despite how much I want to run from Him,

He will always come when I call. 

He can help heal every heartache I have,

Provide the balm of Gilead on any wound,

And give the strength through grace to get through the day. 

I know that my pain isn't gone,

But I look back on this week and I see how He has been with me each day.

Every day I was with someone who was there to listen,

People placed in my path to listen, comfort and guide me. 

My boss,

My best friend,

My dear friends from church,

One of my youth leaders from growing up,

My parents,

My branch president and his wife.

I was never left alone. 

And even when I was technically alone,

The Lord was with me. 

I might have given in to some negative angry thoughts,

But He still loves me and wants to help me. 

As I strive to improve and heal,

He'll be able to give me more and more strength,

Freely."

I love this verse in Psalms because currently I'm going through a lot emotionally. I have a lot of stress and I have had a lot of negative thoughts that I'm not proud of. But I know that the Lord is watching over me and will help heal me as I continue to turn to him. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Trusting God When Plans Change

To say this summer didn't go according to plan would be a major understatement. This was mostly fine, in fact it was wonderful. As everyone knows though, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A lot of what happened this summer I thought I could leave behind and just focus on mission prep, I was WRONG. Haha. It's not a bad thing, it just wasn't according to plan. I am very blessed because it didn't go according to plan. I began learning to "play by ear" with the Spirit. That was so cool. But it was on a day to day basis, I wasn't necessarily looking forward in time much. 

Fast forward in time: I am home and I have 33 days till I fly out to the MTC. Everything is great except I have to make some big decisions within the next couple of years, as in as soon as I get back from my mission. I have officially sent an email to SVU with questions regarding another deferment for my enrollment and scholarship to 2018 instead of 2017.

In the last month I've been trying to include something like "please let everything happen according to thy plan" or "thy will be done". It's so hard and sometimes scary! I tend to like my plans. They tend to look the best before things happen. But I know that God knows what he's doing a lot better than I do. We do have agency which allows us to choose our own path, but He knows what is best for us and so it's best to trust Him. 

I testify to you that God knows and loves each of us. He has a plan for us. Sometimes it's hard, but it's always worth it. I leave these things with ou in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.