Learning His Way

"And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou? And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw. And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken? And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father. And when I had spoken these words, the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." (1 Nephi 11:2-6) 

As I was listening to the scriptures last night I heard this part and it struck me, "Nephi didn't ask why he saw the dream, because he must have had an inkling of understanding already. He asked what it meant." With a current trial I'm going through I keep asking myself why I feel this way, why is it so difficult to get over , and why now? But really I should be asking for understanding, to understand what the Lord is trying to teach me right now, and what can I learn from this.

I'm excited to learn from the Lord what he wants to teach me because I know that I will be able to, at least eventually, see this from an eternal perspective. I know that the Lord speaks to us today, and I look forward to learning more about his ways this weekend from General Conference. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Tender mercies :)

So today was a rollercoaster but I had the greatest tender mercy from one of my former companions. On the mission I had helped her along the road to recovery with gaining weight again. She has a eating disorder and it was with me that she started to gain weight again and learned to be happy with it. Since being home the stress has been really hard on her and she's lost some weight. Most of our correspondence now has been recipes to try and such. Tonight she told me she is seeing a nutritionist for her eating disorder. The amount of pride and love I had when she told me about this swelled within me. I almost started to cry. I was so happy for her. I can kind of relate in some ways because I struggle to gain weight mostly because of my metabolism. I know I was meant to be a part of her life and she a part of mine.

AND yesterday I saw that on of the companions I got super close with came home and I got to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes. I am so proud of her for fulfilling her mission. She had a super difficult time for a quite a while, but she came out on top. In fact, our transfer was her do or die transfer, she either was able to work to her fullest ability with me, or she went home. Despite her anxiety, she improved leaps and bounds and became the missionary everyone knew she could become.

I know the Lord had me go on a mission, not just for the sake of going, but because I had people I needed to meet, and people that needed to meet me. I know that the Lord puts us exactly where we need to be when we follow His direction. I leave these things wit you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Reapeth in Joy

"Turn again our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:4-6) 

This relates very much to a previous study I has a few days ago, where it came to me again that the Lord will always provide a way out, he never only hounds us with trials, and they don't last forever. But it also reminds me of the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee." It's a beautiful song quoting verses from Isaiah and the Doctrine and Covenants. How even when the Lord allows us to experience trials, he doesn't leave us, and he will deliver us from trials eventually in his timing.

It actually reminds me a lot of one of the poems I recently wrote titled, "Never Left Alone." It says, 

"Despite how hard this week has been,

The depression,

The anger,

The confusion,

And the feeling of being utterly lost. 

Despite all these things,

I know that I will never be left by someone. 

Someone who will always stand beside me,

Despite how much I want to run from Him,

He will always come when I call. 

He can help heal every heartache I have,

Provide the balm of Gilead on any wound,

And give the strength through grace to get through the day. 

I know that my pain isn't gone,

But I look back on this week and I see how He has been with me each day.

Every day I was with someone who was there to listen,

People placed in my path to listen, comfort and guide me. 

My boss,

My best friend,

My dear friends from church,

One of my youth leaders from growing up,

My parents,

My branch president and his wife.

I was never left alone. 

And even when I was technically alone,

The Lord was with me. 

I might have given in to some negative angry thoughts,

But He still loves me and wants to help me. 

As I strive to improve and heal,

He'll be able to give me more and more strength,

Freely."

I love this verse in Psalms because currently I'm going through a lot emotionally. I have a lot of stress and I have had a lot of negative thoughts that I'm not proud of. But I know that the Lord is watching over me and will help heal me as I continue to turn to him. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Mountains and Valleys

“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5))

I love this verse because it reminds me of the many reminders we’ve had from the prophets that trials aren’t forever. We aren’t always going to be climbing a mountain. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Every trial eventually has an end. Granted, some may be with us our whole lives, like disabilities. But we won’t have those in the resurrection.
Oftentimes the end of a trial happens when we learn something the Lord is trying to teach us. Sometimes it’s only when we humble ourselves and turn to the Lord that we are able to conquer a trial. 

Just recently I experienced something really really hard, compacted with stress from work and stress from school, it felt like I’d never make it out from under whatever rock had fallen on top of me. But a friend of mine pointed me in the right direction. No pity party, it’s now time to ask yourself, “Where am I spiritually lacking?” Well, my studies weren’t great, they were decent but not great. And so I revamped them (aka thanks from reading my revamped studies, I hope this inspires you to revamp yours too). 

I also, despite the pushback from Satan, attended church to partake of the sacrament. It was amazing and fulfilling. It filled me so much where I was feeling so empty. 

On Tuesday I went to the temple and I did an initiatory session. It was so beautiful and I learned so much. Afterwards I didn’t want to leave the temple grounds, so I sat outside the temple on a bench and just marveled at the temple and felt the Spirit and peace. 

This really is the way we can fully heal a broken heart, we turn to the Lord. I can’t say that I’m completely whole, but I’m on the right path.