Learning His Ways

I learned this week what happens when we are in the right place, the around the right people, doing the right things, but rushing the Lord 's timetable... I made a decision this week that really didn't need to be made for another few weeks. What I did wasn't wrong, it just was done at the wrong time. I was lucky enough to be going to the temple a couple hours later. I went and did some sealings and sat in the Celestial room for a time and felt horrible about what I'd done. However, I didn't feel guilty, I felt hurt.

I was praying to the Lord and asking why this happened, why I did this thing, why this always happens, etc. lots of self-pity. Then I felt a nudge to open a Book of Mormon to a "random page". I opened to Alma 34:38-41. it said, "That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you. Yea, and I also exhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them; But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." Basically the Lord called me to repentance and told me I was being impatient.

Afterwards, I apologized to the person I had hurt, and I hopefully have made up for my immaturity I displayed. I knew I needed to work on my impatience, but I see now that I really need to work on it.

Patience can be viewed as the Christlike attribute everyone appreciates the most when it is given, but can be the most difficult to develop (that and humility). It really is something that is difficult to achieve, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I know that as we pray for patience and strive to act on it, we will be blessed greatly. I leave these things with y'all, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

My Ways are Higher than Your Ways

This week I've learned a lot from the Lord about perspective. I've been reflecting a lot on what I've learned the past few months, and I've made a lot of progress. This week the Lord opened my eyes and showed me a glimpse of what he has in store for me, similar to many of the revelatory moments I had on my mission. I've learned a lot about when we listen to the Lord, we will be placed exactly where we need to be in order to experience the things that we need in order to progress in the gospel. But not only that, we will see the blessings within our patriarchal blessings unfold. It is so neat to see small and simple things, like dominos beginning to fall, move and happen. The Lord truly keeps his promises when we keep ours. I know this to be true. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Learning His Way

"And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou? And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw. And the Spirit said unto me: Believest thou that thy father saw the tree of which he hath spoken? And I said: Yea, thou knowest that I believe all the words of my father. And when I had spoken these words, the Spirit cried with a loud voice, saying: Hosanna to the Lord, the most high God; for he is God over all the earth, yea, even above all. And blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." (1 Nephi 11:2-6) 

As I was listening to the scriptures last night I heard this part and it struck me, "Nephi didn't ask why he saw the dream, because he must have had an inkling of understanding already. He asked what it meant." With a current trial I'm going through I keep asking myself why I feel this way, why is it so difficult to get over , and why now? But really I should be asking for understanding, to understand what the Lord is trying to teach me right now, and what can I learn from this.

I'm excited to learn from the Lord what he wants to teach me because I know that I will be able to, at least eventually, see this from an eternal perspective. I know that the Lord speaks to us today, and I look forward to learning more about his ways this weekend from General Conference. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Tender mercies :)

So today was a rollercoaster but I had the greatest tender mercy from one of my former companions. On the mission I had helped her along the road to recovery with gaining weight again. She has a eating disorder and it was with me that she started to gain weight again and learned to be happy with it. Since being home the stress has been really hard on her and she's lost some weight. Most of our correspondence now has been recipes to try and such. Tonight she told me she is seeing a nutritionist for her eating disorder. The amount of pride and love I had when she told me about this swelled within me. I almost started to cry. I was so happy for her. I can kind of relate in some ways because I struggle to gain weight mostly because of my metabolism. I know I was meant to be a part of her life and she a part of mine.

AND yesterday I saw that on of the companions I got super close with came home and I got to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes. I am so proud of her for fulfilling her mission. She had a super difficult time for a quite a while, but she came out on top. In fact, our transfer was her do or die transfer, she either was able to work to her fullest ability with me, or she went home. Despite her anxiety, she improved leaps and bounds and became the missionary everyone knew she could become.

I know the Lord had me go on a mission, not just for the sake of going, but because I had people I needed to meet, and people that needed to meet me. I know that the Lord puts us exactly where we need to be when we follow His direction. I leave these things wit you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Reapeth in Joy

"Turn again our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:4-6) 

This relates very much to a previous study I has a few days ago, where it came to me again that the Lord will always provide a way out, he never only hounds us with trials, and they don't last forever. But it also reminds me of the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee." It's a beautiful song quoting verses from Isaiah and the Doctrine and Covenants. How even when the Lord allows us to experience trials, he doesn't leave us, and he will deliver us from trials eventually in his timing.

It actually reminds me a lot of one of the poems I recently wrote titled, "Never Left Alone." It says, 

"Despite how hard this week has been,

The depression,

The anger,

The confusion,

And the feeling of being utterly lost. 

Despite all these things,

I know that I will never be left by someone. 

Someone who will always stand beside me,

Despite how much I want to run from Him,

He will always come when I call. 

He can help heal every heartache I have,

Provide the balm of Gilead on any wound,

And give the strength through grace to get through the day. 

I know that my pain isn't gone,

But I look back on this week and I see how He has been with me each day.

Every day I was with someone who was there to listen,

People placed in my path to listen, comfort and guide me. 

My boss,

My best friend,

My dear friends from church,

One of my youth leaders from growing up,

My parents,

My branch president and his wife.

I was never left alone. 

And even when I was technically alone,

The Lord was with me. 

I might have given in to some negative angry thoughts,

But He still loves me and wants to help me. 

As I strive to improve and heal,

He'll be able to give me more and more strength,

Freely."

I love this verse in Psalms because currently I'm going through a lot emotionally. I have a lot of stress and I have had a lot of negative thoughts that I'm not proud of. But I know that the Lord is watching over me and will help heal me as I continue to turn to him. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Growth is Essential

"And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life-- Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?" (Mosiah 18:8-10) 

Tonight we had the missionaries over for dinner, and this scripture was given in their lesson. I've been reading Preach My Gospel a lot lately in preparation of my mission (9 days!!).

This scripture is obviously written for baptism but I had a revelation while listening to the elders read it again. It is the qualities of someone who is ready or baptism, but are they not also qualities of those who are also ready for more progress in the gospel, such as serving a mission, going to the temple, getting married, and so on. The gospel of Christ is the gospel of progression: always growing and developing. Stagnation is inpossible, you are either progressing towards Christ, or moving backwards.

I bear my testimony to you that growth is essential to being close to God. As we grow, we become more an more like our Heavenly Father. That's the goal, isn't it?i leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Temple Dresses and Talents

At the beginning of the summer my aunt gave me her first temple dress, and it was near perfect. The length and the waist were absolutely perfect. The only problem was that the bust was a size too big. I thought this shouldn't be an issue because I could just take it in on the sides, right? The end of my stay in Utah came and I really began to look at this dress not long before I flew home. I began to understand that this dress would be a bit more of a project than I originally thought. I discovered I couldn't just take it in on the sides, I would have to take it in on every seam because it was a size bigger (funny right?). 

One day I decided to take it on. I took apart the top and took in the seam allowance by half an inch. I ironed, clipped, sewed, grunted with frustration, seam ripped, sewed again, and so on till I finally got it. I did it! I tailored my first dress! It is beautiful and I am grateful that I will have a temple dress for the next few years. 

I have a testimony that we have talents for specific reasons. My sewing talent saved me at least forty dollars that I don't have right now. My Heavenly Father has a plan for me and I am grateful that he loves me enough to share with me such a beautiful talent. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Breaking Destructive Cycles

Recently I have been able to be a cheerleader for someone who was struggling. This friend has been such a blessing in my life and I am thankful for them. Through my many strugglings over the last few months, he has been a wonderful support. On Thursday it was my turn to be his support. 

He had something huge due that he was really struggling with, and then suddenly it was the day before it was due. Panic set in. I also know that feeling all too well. He didn't have a direction with this assignment, or he did but it was vague. He kept spiraling back into, "I have so much to do and it is due tomorrow!" It is that panic that is crippling and doesn't get anything done. I was able to help him focus back onto his assignment and finishing. Every so often I'd send encouraging texts like, "You can do it!!"

This can be compared to our Savior and repentance. Sometimes we become overwhelmed by our trials and sins we feel trapped. Satan tells us that we can't escape. BUT WE CAN. Repentance is possible and very real. It isn't going to be like before. Our sins will not be wiped from our memory. BUT we can be made clean again. We can have our garments washed clean. We do not need to continue to walk around with our sins. We must wake up and stop our destructive cycles. We must begin to repent. I have. I have many many many times. And I am grateful every time.

I bear my testimony to you that repentance is real and possible. Through Christ's Atonement we are able to become clean. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Always Taken Care Of

I know I was blessed last semester. Gas may have been cheap, but going through gas is never cheap on a college budget. My tank would somehow hold two gallons more than it should every time I would fill it up, meaning it would fill two gallons more than what the gauge tracked. So it was "full" for at least thirty miles before it started to decrease again. This time around I'm not paying for my own gas and I've noticed that when it's full, it doesn't stay full for another thirty miles, it just decreases like normal. I know and love my Heavenly Father and I know he was watching out for me every day. Every day I prayed for monetary help. And often without noticing, I was blessed every day. I testify that God has a plan for each of us and he's always watching out for us. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Name them One by One

On Wednesday I was having a really rough morning. 5.5 hours of sleep, car died on the way to work, alarm went off at work because I didn't have the code for the office for a couple of minutes, customer practically shouted at me because we opened at (I arrived at 7:14) 7:20 instead of 7:00 (excuse me, but I have to count out the safe and that's a little more important than your 8 ounces of coffee), coworker got into a car accident so it's just two of us for morning shift, customer wanted a refund because she didn't want to stay another night because of the rain, I dropped a whole roll of quarters when I was giving it to a customer, and I hadn't finished breakfast (I brought it with me) and it was only 8 in the morning!

It was about 08:45 when I realized that my bad mood resulting from the bad events was not going to help anyone, especially not me. The lyrics from the hymn "Count Your Blessings" came to mind, "When life's billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost, count your many blessings; name them one by one, and it will surprise what the Lord has done." So I decided to make a list of blessings.

I really had to think about what I have now that I didn't have before, what I have gained, what I have always had, and what I am lucky to have. It was relieving. I couldn't believe that, despite the simple list of things I came up within a few minutes, I felt better. It was very grounding and I felt so much better afterwards.

I testify to you that as we remember the things we are grateful for, we will feel the love of our Heavenly Father and Christ's grace will do it's job in giving us the strength we need. I'll close in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Learning a lot but not nearly enough

In missionary prep class and the lesson was mostly role play and the teacher made a couple of really good points during the lesson: the missionaries are supposed to develop the gift of discernment in questions (read the question within the question, aka find the eternal question within the mortal question) and members are vital to missionary work. In our role play the teacher was an investigator whose wife just died and he had questions about life after death, but his unspoken question (which was technically spoken because it was just a role play in a missionary prep class) was whether he will see her again. Through a member (whether they be a friend to the investigator or they just came) we can infuse life experience into our testimonies and lessons so that people will find more common ground with the gospel, rather than just hearing it from a couple of inexperienced people barely old enough to vote. There's a lot that goes into missionary work and there is a lot we can learn about people and how to deal with them from serving a mission. I will be learning so much. I am very excited to serve in the Seattle Washington mission. I know God loves each of us and as we serve his children, we will grow closer to him. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

To the tune of service

"For the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." D&C 18:10

Today I went to the missionary prep class for the first time, it was awesome by the way and was taught by an amazing teacher. Our lesson was on questions, and how to use the right kind of questions to help build other's testimonies and provoke thought. Something was mentioned that really struck home to me: We are all playing a different tune in our lives in regards to the gospel and our spiritual needs, and it is one of the jobs of the missionaries to recognize that tune, through the Spirit of course, and administer to the spiritual needs of that person. This not only applies to missionaries but to many other callings involving working with people. The theology major doesn't need the same lesson as the recently divorced young mother. Everyone's tune is different, but the spirit will always guide you, you just need to listen.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ is personalized in many ways to each individual. Every person feels the Holy Ghost a different way, and sometimes it is harder for others and at different times in our lives to feel it. Every person has different talents and skills in the gospel. But if we ask for guidance, and we remain worthy, the Holy Ghost will speak to us. 

I testify that each of us can receive revelation through the Holy Ghost on how to best serve others and sense the tune of each person in need of service. I know that God still speaks to us and has not left us behind. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.