Reapeth in Joy

"Turn again our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:4-6) 

This relates very much to a previous study I has a few days ago, where it came to me again that the Lord will always provide a way out, he never only hounds us with trials, and they don't last forever. But it also reminds me of the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee." It's a beautiful song quoting verses from Isaiah and the Doctrine and Covenants. How even when the Lord allows us to experience trials, he doesn't leave us, and he will deliver us from trials eventually in his timing.

It actually reminds me a lot of one of the poems I recently wrote titled, "Never Left Alone." It says, 

"Despite how hard this week has been,

The depression,

The anger,

The confusion,

And the feeling of being utterly lost. 

Despite all these things,

I know that I will never be left by someone. 

Someone who will always stand beside me,

Despite how much I want to run from Him,

He will always come when I call. 

He can help heal every heartache I have,

Provide the balm of Gilead on any wound,

And give the strength through grace to get through the day. 

I know that my pain isn't gone,

But I look back on this week and I see how He has been with me each day.

Every day I was with someone who was there to listen,

People placed in my path to listen, comfort and guide me. 

My boss,

My best friend,

My dear friends from church,

One of my youth leaders from growing up,

My parents,

My branch president and his wife.

I was never left alone. 

And even when I was technically alone,

The Lord was with me. 

I might have given in to some negative angry thoughts,

But He still loves me and wants to help me. 

As I strive to improve and heal,

He'll be able to give me more and more strength,

Freely."

I love this verse in Psalms because currently I'm going through a lot emotionally. I have a lot of stress and I have had a lot of negative thoughts that I'm not proud of. But I know that the Lord is watching over me and will help heal me as I continue to turn to him. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Scary Deadlines

Here are a few statements I would like to make about my mission: I am scared,scratch that, I am terrified, I will miss my boyfriend, I will miss my family, I will miss my friends, I do feel inadequate, I feel a little overwhelmed by how much has fallen into place and how much I still feel crazy nervous, BUT this is the right decision for me. I felt the call to serve when I was 16 and the missionary age change was announced. It grew and grew until it was questioned this last winter. I realized I didn't absolutely have to serve a mission, but it was up to me and I knew I would be blessed for it. Then it rekindled stronger than before. It grew as I began filling out my paperwork. It grew ever bigger as I submitted my papers. Finally my call to serve in the Washington Seattle Mission came. It was an amazing and terrifying experience. Since I've come home I've had so many things fall into place for during and after my mission. My life is definitely not how I envisioned it. It is beautiful though. I will be dedicating my life to the service of my God and his children for the next 18 months starting in four days. Only four days! 

I will compare this to a seed as in Alma 32:28-43. It started small, but as I nourished my testimony of my call to serve, it grew and grew. It was good. It felt good. I had a purpose. It became a beautiful tree. I will continue to nourish it so that the fruit of my laboratory will be sweet. I will be the best missionary I can be, despite seasonal affective disorder, despite social anxiety, despite any trial I may come across.

I testify to y'all that I know that I can do all things through Christ, who strengtheneth me. I share these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Getting Rid of the Weeds

Yesterday I was gardening with my family. I moved from the garden around the pool, to the "middle garden" (it's a long garden in the middle of our yard with our peach and apple trees, watermelon, melon, pepper, and raspberry plants). I was given charge to weed there because it hadn't been weeded in a while. So I went over ad started to inspect the areas that needed the most love (we had a time limit). I found that within the area where the watermelons are planted, there were lots of weeds that looked suspiciously like the poison sumac I learned about at Young Women's camp. I went and grabbed my gloves and started pulling all of that out first. These weeds didn't have big root systems but trying to pull those out instead of the watermelons was hard because they were growing so close together. 

As I was weeding I thought about how the sacrament and repentance is very much like weeding. We try and not commit the same sins over and over, and the sacrament washes us clean like baptism. However, sometimes we need extra help with weeding. Sometimes we have weeds that have massive root systems and are hard to pull out. Sometimes we have a poisonous plant growing all over our garden. It is then that we need extra help. The poisonous plants could be compared to sins as serious as sexual sins. It's not impossible to take out, but we can't do it ourselves. With the help of our bishops, we are able to gain a better understanding of grace and how to use it.

I bear my testimony to you that I know that by grace we are saved after all we can do. I know that repentance is real and possible. We can overcome sin! It's not impossible! I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Unqualified

“When we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help. Remember that whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.” (Thomas S. Monson, “Duty Calls,” Liahona, July 1996, 42; Ensign, May 1996, 44.)

I have been thinking a lot about being a missionary and other roles I will play in my life lately. A thought kept popping up every time I would worry about those roles: "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called." As I prepare for my mission I worry some about being a good missionary, but I also worry about one day becoming a wife and mother. How would I, imperfect, obnoxious, impatient, clumsy, impulsive, blunt Lyssa, ever be a good missionary, wife, and mother? But again I am reminded that I have already been called then later qualified for a previous calling and that God will do so again.

My first calling was activity days leader. I came into that calling not knowing any of the girls, I am not crafty, and I did not know how to manage people very well. However, as time went on and I prayed for each activity to go well, that I and the girls would feel the Spirit, and we would finish the activity. I grew to love all 13 of those girls, and my testimony truly grew. I became qualified for that calling. 

I know that God will help me and guide me as I ask for help in each calling I have in my life. I know that through grace, the atonement will make up for my shortcomings. I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Cause You Know She's All About that Grace

"A powerful expression of that love is what the scriptures often call the grace of God—the divine assistance and endowment of strength by which we grow from the flawed and limited beings we are now into exalted beings of 'truth and light, until [we are]glorified in truth and [know] all things.'" (The Gift of Grace by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf).

Yesterday in Institute (like Bible study for young adults) we were talking a lot about grace. One of the main things grace can do for us is magnify our abilities, gives us strength, hope, and allows us a greater ability to empathize with others. I feel like I am gaining more and more respect for my mother every day. Through the entire lesson all that I could think of was my mom. She is an amazing woman who has done so much for our family. It takes a special kind of person to want to serve in the military, but it also takes a special kind of person to be a military-supportive spouse. My mom rose to the occasion. She is my idol. She was our strength while my dad was deployed, when he had his heart attack, when he was away at the many schools, etc. My mom is my hero. She is skilled at using the gift of grace, especially while she had to be a "single mom" while my dad was deployed.

I am so grateful for the gift of grace and my mom. She has taught me so much. I know that by grace we are saved after all we can do. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.